Dear James,
I’ll start this letter like I start ALL of my emails.
I hope you’re well. Sorry for the late reply.
Now the professional formalities are out of the way: thank you for the lovely letter. The photos and stories are .
To your question of dreams I wouldn’t say I have a port of dreams nor do I liken myself to a cargo ship, but to continue the naval themes I would think of my passions as a pirate ship under constant mutiny. While on every valiant path to buried treasure the crew sees another unmarked island, sacks the faltering captain and alters path.
I agree on the systematic thinking takes. Like all things, it’s about knowing when to stop - at the very least when I see the tip of my tail. This is probably why it’s so important to be open and honest with friends instead of staring at a reflection like a chimp in a zoo.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to observe myself in third person. From my little experience meditating it feels possible. I could record myself and watch back the recording of my day, but that would be harder, at least on my ego, than an out of body experience.
I’ve been reading a book called “Godel, Escher, Bach”. A behemoth of a math textbook which focuses less on the “boring” math and more on the quirky stuff like recursion, isomorphisms and moebius strips. I’m not that deep into the book; it’s one of those that needs to be hunched over, eyes an inch from the page, pen in hand, in that illusive hour of after dinner, but before sleepytime.
Writing this letter also sits in that hour.
Ahh, MOEBIUS STRIPS! Where do I start?! 🥁
Concepts like these are fascinating to me in themselves, but I don’t know what to do with them. A loop can only exist in theory and concept. I believe there are no loops in life; only progress and decay, which means art has no choice but to follow these rules too(?). Maybe I’ll get to the end of “Godel Escher Bach” and it’ll tell me I’m all wrong, but until then we can only aspire to loops and land unwillingly on, at best, a spiral.
💭 I remember sitting in the mustang™ trying to carve out a perfect schedule where I get to complete all my chores and passions every day. That schedule still does not exist.
Do you ever feel like when you repeat the same actions and thoughts your brain starts to compress them instead of compounding them? Looking back at the most routine parts of my life; they feel slightly unlived. Almost like the “living” happens in the chaos and hardships and not in the peace and monotony.
The Long Ships – Frans G. Bengtsson
Patterns can be dangerous too, but it’s the rituals that ground that chaos into something manageable. I think they’re the points of rest which allow us to dive safely and repeatedly into the chaos.
I love that you’ve spent some time solo traveling, it’s such a bold thing to do. I hope you got as much out of it as you wanted. I’m glad you spent the downtime on your bike trip indulging in something you truly enjoy - The Simpsons. I find that if I want to be fulfilled, I need to engage in ACTUALLY fun and interesting things. Or oppositely engage in something so boring that I have no choice but to start something more worthwhile. The latter works best for taxes.
Sometimes the fun is in “the work” itself causing inspiration like perpetual motion. Each pedal of your bike inspiring the next one.
I talk a lot about feeling inspired like a productivity maniac, but it’s actually my favourite state to be in regardless of the output. Life is better for me in its entirety when I’m inspired. So that’s what I chase. It’s the closest I’ve experienced to the description of eudaimonia and to the feeling of having a crush on someone new. Inevitably that crush fades and the reality of a relationship sets in, but maybe it provided enough momentum to beget the next wave of inspiration.
Every bit of inspiration seems to start with “I could..” and that’s an empowering place to be. Even in a shitty position, there’s an inspiration to get out of it.
David Lynch talks a lot about inspiration. I think he draws from a lot of strange, honest sources. I love that you see the joy in him despite his abstract, chaotic output. There’s a confidence in his vulnerability which I’m really fond of. I’m always wary of finding celebrity role-models, but he seems like a pretty safe bet. Not as safe as Steve Irwin, but I don’t want to save the planet, so his teachings are harder to juice.
“and I have stopped eating tuna until the tuna nets cease killing tens of thousands of dolphins every single year.”
-Steve Irwin, letting everyone know he likes dolphins more than tuna
I’d be interested in knowing how you get into that inspired place or even just the fleeting moments you’ve felt it the most strongly. Do you try to return to those moments?